Cry A Little, For Me
by WritelkeUmeanit
Summary: Lorelai can't help but wonder, 'does he cry for me'


**Cry A Little For Me**

**One shot: Timeline: Seventh Season. No specific month. Lorelai and Christopher are together. They aren't married yet. **

_Crap Shack... Upstairs.. _

"Hey." Chris smiled as he walked through their bedroom, his fingers working to unbutton his shirt as he did.

"Hey." Lorelai greeted him, keeping her eyes focused on the book she was reading.

"You mind if we switch sides tonight?" He asked as he pulled his shirt over his head then threw it toward the hamper. It landed on the floor next to it.

"What?" Lorelai asked, snapping her gaze to him.

"I got this pain in my side." Chris winced, putting his hand on the spot to show her. "I think I slept the wrong way or something."

"Oh," Lorelai said, slowly bringing her eyes to the left, looking at the empty spot next to her. The spot that used to be hers when she was with Luke.

Lorelai sighed at the thought.

From the day Christopher moved in, she had been sleeping in, what used to be, Luke's side of the bed. In what used to be, where her finance slept. Almost every night. That's where he slept.

She just didn't want Christopher sleeping there. She may have gotten new pillow cases, and sheets and and a comforter, but still, that was Luke's spot.

When they were together, she would sleep close to him and he would always put his arm around her, at the very least. Sometimes they slept skin on skin, their legs tangled up as her head rested against his chest. The steady beat of his heart always lulled her to sleep. His arm would be around her, protectively, holding her close to him.

It was a great feeling for her, having a man hold her at night. A man she absolutely loved with all of her heart.

And then just like that it was gone.

She just blinked and it was... gone.

"Lor?" Chris called, bringing her back from her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She asked, shaking her head as he focused on him.

"Can we switch?" He repeated.

"Oh, yeah, sure." Lorelai nodded, putting on a smile. He nodded back, taking a few strides until he was standing in front of her.

"Thanks." Christopher grinned, leaning down to kiss her.

Lorelai closed her eyes, letting his lips touch hers for a moment before she pulled back.

"You should finishing changing." She said, looking down at the slacks he still had on. "Maybe put a shirt on." She suggested.

"Really?" He asked, a devious grin covering his face. "Cause I was thinking I shouldn't." He whispered before leaning back down to kiss her neck.

"And this shirt you got on," Chris murmured against her skin. "that should come off too."

Lorelai could feel her heart speed up, pounding against her chest in a frenzy and she bit her lip, knowing Chris would just take her wild heart as a cue to continue. But that wasn't what she wanted. That wasn't why her heart was beating so fast.

This always happened when he touched her, when he kissed her...

Her heart would start racing because she was nervous. She felt like she was doing something wrong. Tears would brim in her eyes because she would think about Luke and how he wasn't the one the touching her, the one kissing her...

Lorelai would quickly close her eyes tight, willing the tears away and Chris would think she was lost in the pleasure of it all and he would just continue on with his work. A proud, cocky, smile covering his face as he did.

Loreali always wanted to stop him. She wanted to say no. The words were so simple, so easy to say.. but at the same time, they were so hard.

The minimal, very _minimal_ pleasure she would experience, wasn't worth the pain she felt to get it.

His touch almost burned, his kiss made her feel different.

She couldn't describe it. It just felt unfamiliar, yet familiar at the same time. It felt strange. His movements were different. It was always so overpowering. It was him trying to take control, she guessed.

Whenever they kissed, she didn't put much into it. She couldn't. It just hurt too much.

Everything hurt too much.

Sometimes he would take it a step forward and she would feel his tongue slid around her lip, so she would open her mouth, and quickly, his tongue was moving inside of her, poking around like he wasn't sure what to do. But she knew that wasn't true. He knew what to do. He kissed women before. She was one of them.

But now, it was different. It was _so_ different. It all felt so _different. _

Lorelai winced when she felt Chris tugging her shirt up higher and she shuttered as the cool air brushed against her stomach.

Luke never had to ask, but always, _every time_, even if she was the one who insinuated things, he stopped before they got too carried away. He would look at her for a moment, letting their eyes lock, silently asking for permission and Lorelai would nod, the biggest smile on her face and then they would make love. They always made love. It was never just sex.

With Christopher, it was always just sex. Nothing more.

Sometimes Lorelai would stop Christopher. And this was usually the point when she did. Sometimes she would tell him that she had a long day and just wanted to go to sleep, but usually she would just let him. He didn't want to every night, thankfully, but it happened multiple times a week.

She couldn't say no every time. Then he would know.

"Chris." Lorelai called softly, trying to get his attention before he pulled her shirt up to high.

He didn't answer, keeping his mouth clamped on her neck as he worked his way down her chest, his hands slowly working to pull her top off.

Lorelai gasped when she felt his hand graze her stomach.

That encouraged him, and he moved faster.

His hands were cold, really cold, as they moved higher and higher and Lorelai resisted the urge to gasp again.

"Chris." Loreali tried, a bit firmer this time.

"I'm getting there." He said, looking up to flash her a quick smile before he went back to his task, kissing right above where the collar lined her chest.

"Chris, stop." Lorelai said abruptly. Her voice very firm.

He looked at her, confused

"Can we not tonight?" She asked, and he looked at her, confused. "Please?" She added. "I'm really tired and I have to get up really early tomorrow. I have an early meeting at the Inn."

"Didn't you have a meeting today?" He questioned.

"_Crap."_ She thought.

"You really need two meetings in two days? The place that busy already?" He joked.

"_Already_?" She asked, a slight edge in her tone.

"Yeah, it's only been what.. a year?"

"Two." She corrected firmly ."Three if you count the year of hell we went through trying to get the place up and running."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He surrendered, surprised by how angry she was getting.

"It's fine." Lorelai shook her head, giving him a small smile. That wasn't what was really bothering her. What was always bothering her.

"So, ah.." He started cautiously, looking down at her body. "No, uh.. you know, tonight?" He grinned.

"No," she shook her head, moving to swing her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?" His eyebrows scrunched in confusion as he watched her stand up.

"Downstairs." She said over her shoulder while leaving the room. Chris sighed, throwing his head back against the pillow.

Lorelai padded through the dark house, walking carefully down the stairs, her hand sliding down the banister as she went.

Once she made it down the last step, she turned on the small lamp that sat next to the chair; spinning the knob once, which light the room in a soft glow. Just enough so she could see.

Lorelai grabbed the throw from the arm of the chair as she passed it, wrapping it around her body as she walked through the living room. She held the blanket tight around her, letting out a sigh as she sat down on the couch. A couch that; no matter how crazy it sounded, felt different. Especially when she was sitting with Christopher, it just felt.. different. She couldn't explain it to anyone even if she tried, but her whole house, everything, it was different. The feeling she got when she walked through her front door.. sometimes it just didn't feel like home.

Maybe because it wasn't suppose to be this way.

Maybe because it wasn't suppose to be Christopher who moved in.

Maybe because it wasn't suppose to be Christopher who was sharing her bedroom with her.

Maybe because it was suppose to Luke.

Lorelai took in a sharp breath as she felt the tears welling in her eyes. There had just been too many tear lately, too many to count.

A tear escaped, slowly rolling down her cheek and then she heard a noise by the stairs, her head snapped to the sound.

Quickly she brought her hand to her face as she looked, but just as she was about to wipe them away, she let out a breath of relief when she saw that it was just Paul Anka.

Another minute passed when Lorelai realized that Christopher wasn't coming down. He wasn't coming to check on her, see if she was okay.

Luke wouldn't of let her leave if something was wrong. He would have stopped her, at least try to talk to her before she had the chance to leave the room.

But Christopher just let her go.

"_Did he not care? Did he not care like Luke did?"_ She mentally asked herself.

_"Used to."_ Lorelai thought. " _Like he used to care."_

Lorelai laughed bitterly at the thought, the sounds quickly morphing into sobs as she let the tears fall, streaming down her cheeks as she let herself cry. She didn't bring her hands to her face, trying to cover up the salty tears that traveled down her cheek. She didn't try and calm herself down. She didn't reach for some kind of distraction... she just let herself cry.

And then she wondered if he does to. She wondered if Luke lays in bed late at night, lying awake as his mind worked overtime, keeping him up even though his body was yelling for sleep. She wondered if he tried to block those thoughts out; if he tried to ignore it all, in hopes it would go magically go away. She wondered if he thought about them. If he thought about what they used to have, what they lost, what they could have had.

She wondered if he cried.

She wondered if he cried for her, like she cries for him.

Like she'll always cry, for him.

The End

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